"Given the attention I've gotten from the press, SlimFast, the Republican
Committee and the DNC and what's happened this week to people like Linda Ronstadt and Margaret Cho,
I'm releasing my remarks from the Radio City Music Hall event, rather than have people continue to
respond to someone else's interpretation of what they think I said. I challenge the Democrats and
the Republicans or anyone else to prove that I said anything different from this. They have made a
mountain out of an ant's behind.'
"I know you see that I've got a bottle of wine in my hand. I'll explain about it later.
"The concert organizers had asked to see my material beforehand, but I Xeroxed my behind and I folded it up in an envelope and I sent it back with a big kiss mark. Because we're Democrats. We don't do that. We're not afraid to laugh. That's the other people.
"It's terrible to be President. Just look at their clothes. When was the last time you saw a President in Armani? Nancy Reagan was the last White House occupant that really looked good. The whole hair situation. Being President is like being in a horror movie, the hair turns white overnight.
"You have to meet the King and Queen of Kupeepee and you know you're going to look dumb if you don't know where Kupeepee is because everybody else pretends they know where it is. And when you get the menu for the State Dinner, you know that you have bears balls and frog lips as a delicacy and you cannot say, "Hell No!"
"Originally, I thought it was Dick Gephardt, because I read the paper (I won't name the paper) and it turns out — no Dick. Then I find out it's John Edwards. I think this is smart, because not only can he talk to the dead, he has TVQ. Then I found out it's not him, it's the other John Edwards. John Edwards looks like a kid.
"What would impress me is to see John Kerry jump double-dutch — I think many people would find that innovative.
"I know I told you I'd get to this. (Reading from label on wine bottle) `When Bush comes to shove, don't whine. Vote Kerry.'
"And that's why I'm here tonight. Because I love bush. But someone's giving bush a bad name. Someone has tarnished name of bush. Someone has waged war, someone has deliberately misled the country, someone has attempted to amend the Constitution, all in the name of bush. The bush I know and cherish would never do such things. My bush is smarter than that. And if my bush is smarter than that, you can understand just how dumb I think that other bush is. And anyone who would wave to Stevie Wonder is not fully there. I will do whatever it takes to restore bush to its rightful place and that ain't in the White House. Vote your heart and mind and keep bush where it belongs."
What They Said
WEST PALM BEACH, Florida, July 14 — "We at Slim-Fast trust the public understands that the way in which Whoopi Goldberg chose to express her own personal beliefs at the recent fundraiser at Radio City Music Hall does not reflect the views and values of Slim-Fast. Slim-Fast selected Whoopi Goldberg as its spokesperson because of her commitment to losing weight, which we applaud. We are disappointed by the manner in which Ms. Goldberg chose to express herself and sincerely regret that her recent remarks offended some of our consumers. Ads featuring Ms. Goldberg will no longer be on the air."
Statement from Terry Olson, Slim-Fast, General Manager and Vice President of Marketing
What She Said
"I completely understand why SlimFast felt that they needed to respond to their consumers swiftly and promptly regarding this matter, given all the press attention it has received.
I've remained silent on this issue, because I understand that not everyone is going to like my brand of humor and nothing I can say will change that. But it saddens me that people who were not present at the fundraiser, including anyone from SlimFast and others who have not seen the material for themselves but are only reacting to soundbites produced by the media, have opted to judge my 'conduct.'
"And, while I can appreciate what the SlimFast people need to do in order to protect their business, I must also do what I need to do as an artist, as a writer and as an American—not to mention as a comic. It's unfortunate that, in this country, the two cannot mesh.
"I've done material on every president in the past 20 years, from Reagan to Carter, from Clinton to Bush. I have used portions of the material I did at the fundraiser in shows, speeches and even on national television and it seems now that people from the other side are using this to further their own agenda. I only wish that the Republican re-election committee would spend as much time working on the economy as they seem to be spending trying to harm my pocketbook.
"I wish godspeed to SlimFast and it's users and hope that everything will be better digested, now that I'm no longer representing them. And just because I'm no longer in those spots, it doesn't mean I will stop talking."
Statement on being fired by Slim-Fast, July 14, 2004
"America's heart and soul is freedom of expression without fear of reprisal. The folks who appeared at the Kerry event do represent America's heart and soul, as does anyone in this country who voices their opinion.
"In a time when candidate bashing has become the norm, be it on television, in speeches or Sunday morning programs, I find all this feigned indignation about 'Bush bashing' quite disingenuous. In light of the current administration's 'bashing' of critics like former Senator Max Cleland, Iraq whistleblower Joseph Wilson and ex-terrorism chief Richard A Clarke—not to mention John Kerry himself—it seems odd to me that anyone would act surprised when bashing has become second nature. Look at the commercials from both candidates. They bash each other to look better to their constituents. For the Republican party to pretend this is new to them seems a little fake.
"The fact that I am no longer the spokesman for SlimFast makes me sad, but not as sad as someone trying to punish me for exercising my right as an American to speak my mind in any forum I choose."
Second statement on being fired by Slim-Fast, July 15, 2004