|
"Whoopi Goldberg was our cheerleader when we made Sister Act. Some actors go to their trailers
when there's break, but Whoopi stayed with us."
Two-time Tony Award nominee Beth Fowler on working with Whoopi
"Oh, hell no!"
Whoopi Goldberg, in a taped opening bit for the 78th Academy Awards (March 5,2006),
when she is announced in jest as the show's host, as she opens and then slams her front door shut.
"If every American donated five hours a week, it would equal the labor of 20 million full-time volunteers,"
Actress Whoopi Goldberg once said.
"We had some cute stuff to say, but you all don't care about that,"
Presenter Whoopi Goldberg said as the 57th Annual Primetime Emmys show nearly collapsed at
the finish line.
"We have Asian people making pizza, we have Italian people serving soul food.
You are not going to see that any place else."
Whoopi Goldberg pitching New York City to be selected host of the 2012 Olympics
"I fear waking up one morning and finding out that my life was for nothing. We’re here for a
reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark."
Looking out at the crowd and thanking Sondheim, "wherever you are in the great, vast
blackness. [pause] I've heard that before.
Several years ago, I got an invitation to play a slave on Broadway. I thought, ew,
at least it ain't Jane Pittman. Years later, after I realized the opportunity I had
been given, it carried me to realize that all kinds of things are possible, that
anything can happen. And all the things that he told me, although we didn't spend that
much time together. After all, he is Stephen Sondheim. He is not be hangin' with The Whoop.
Whoopi Goldberg at Stephen Sondheim's 75th birthday tribute
Whoopi on the amplitude of her behind: "I realize the larger I get physically,
the harder it is for producers to say, 'Come be in my movie, you sexy chick.'"
"If you are famous you have to think in a different way. You have to decide
whether or not it's worth it to you to possibly lose [a sex tape]. You have
to think about everything that can go wrong."
Contactmusic NEWS, November 12, 2003
"My mother told me when I was pretty young that you can be who you are or try
hard to be something else. I was always a lazy bitch, so trying hard to be
something else wasn’t going to happen."
Newsweek, February 10, 2003 issue
"You know what, the more money you have, the more trouble you get."
"We're not great communicators as human beings. If you have some air in your stomach,
wouldn't you feel more comfortable if you let it out? Imagine how great the world would
be if we communicated these things."
October 15, 2002, Distinguished Speaker Series, Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Plaza.
"Thank you, honey, but they told me to rush it along, so I have to go."
2002 Tonys presenter Whoopi Goldberg to a rowdy audience member
"I don't look like Halle Berry. But chances are, she's going to end up looking like me."
U.S. Comedy Festival where she accepted an AFI Star Award, March 2, 2002
When appearing at Harvard in November 1998, Goldberg was asked about the media's portraying
Oprah Winfrey as the ideal black woman. Her answer: "I know if I answer you truthfully, I'll
have to answer for it in the media, and I don't want to get into that with her."
USA Today, November 11, 1998
"I'd like to present you with something no one else would dare to give you: Your first Social Security check."
to Elizabeth Taylor at her 65th birthday party, February, 1997
"I believe that racism is something that we're always going to live with. What we in
America have to decide is whether we're going to be covert racists or overt racists.
The O.J. trial and the church burnings in the South have uncovered a festering problem
that no one wants to talk about."
Interview Magazine, January, 1997
"Christmas in my house is a madhouse, but I love the holidays. We do Hanukkah, Christmas,
Kwanzaa, we do everything. So there are menorahs and giant Christmas trees and Santa
Clauses and elves and all kinds of craziness."
"I'm not into mean. I don't want to watch that, I don't want to see that."
On the criteria for projects developed by her production company
"Where do we fit in in this new world? Because the world changed on Sept. 11. ... I could not
find anything humorous in me.''
Saying she lost her sense of humor after the September 11 attacks on New York and Washington.
"When I go out, I go as Whoopi Goldberg. But when I'm in the house, it's Caryn Johnson,
Caryn Johnson parent, Caryn Johnson grandparent. . . when I get home and turn into a real
person who has to deal with bills and family crises and whatever, there's no room for
Whoopi Goldberg in that."
"Maybe it gives people a little hope . . . You look at me and you say, 'Yeah, this is not
the face of a pinup'."
"I AM where I am because I believe in all possibilities."
"I'm Black. I don't have to proove it. I've been Black all my life."
"Well when I was nine years old Star Trek came on. I looked at it and I went screaming through
the house, 'Come here, mum, everybody, come quick, come quick, there's a black lady on television
and she ain't no maid!' I knew right then and there I could be anything I wanted to be..."
"I didn't know my career was so far down the toilet until I saw the reviews for Ghost."
"I was married to a Black man; he's my daughter's father. Before I met Frank, I went out with
five different men and two were black. But that didn't make the papers 'cause it's not news.
I've always gone out with the people who ask me out."
"I've learned to take time for myself and to treat myself with a great deal of love and respect
'cause, I like me. I really do. I think I'm kind of cool."
"I don't like driving very much. That makes me very unhappy, because I scream a lot in the car,
but other than that, life is actually pretty good."
"I believe that parts of people like John Garfield and Moms Mabley, the parts of them that I
needed to be able to do what I'm doing, came into me. There's a very nice feeling that there are
many, many spirits inside of me looking after me."
"I fear waking up one morning and finding out it was all for nothing. We're here for a reason. I
believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark."
"I told her I would play a Venetian blind, dirt on the floor, anything."
"What I am is a humanist before anything — before I'm a Jew, before I'm black, before I'm
a woman. And my beliefs are for the human race — they don't exclude anyone."
From the Kennedy Center tribute where Lily Tomlin
was named the latest recipient of the
Mark Twain Prize for American Humor,
(2003)
- "I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Lily Tomlin, because Lily made it possible for me to do
what I did," Whoopi Goldberg said in a video salute that paid homage to Tomlin's ability to turn ordinary
people into extraordinarily real — and funny — characters. "Without you, most of us would not be able
to do what we're able to do."
From Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)
From Marshalls Women in Comedy luncheon,
where Whoopi was presented with the Lifetime Achievement Award
(2002)
- Caroline Rhea: I'm a professional Whoopi Goldberg presenter. [Rhea also introduced
Whoopi at the Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize ceremony in 2001]
Joy Behar: You mean she slept with all the Kennedys?
Whoopi: Give me the award. I want to go home.
From the 74th Annual Academy Awards Show (2002)
- "What a night—stars, Oscar winners, a great big party—what
is this Liza's wedding?"
During opening monologue
- "So much mud has been thrown this year that all the nominees look
black."
- "The Kodak Theatre—lovely isn't it? Actually the Academy
wanted to stay at the old place but the network thought they should go
with a younger theatre."
- "Security is tighter tonight than some of the faces."
- "John Ashcroft asked me to do this [tying a ribbon around
Oscar's private area], he said it was distracting him."
- "Our next presenters come from down under—a phrase that always
makes me think passionately of Russell Crowe."
- "Bambi who's at an assisted living facility in Palm Springs has
been lobbying for this [the new animated feature category] for years."
- "Denzel Washington's character was so scary in that movie, that
he was the only man that could go out for a bite with Mike Tyson."
- "Well kids, that's our show—it's time to start the mud
slinging for Oscar 75!"
From Rat Race (2001)
From the 71st Annual Academy Awards Show (1999)
- "I will return this gown back to my dearest subject and friend Sir Elton John."
Referring to her Queen Elizabeth getup
- "More white than black as I recall but, let's just leave that to
beaver—I didn't say whose."
Referring to lack of color during 50s television
- "Those of you scoring at home—keep it down honey, we're doing
a show here!"
After a commercial break
- "This year we saw a lot of war—and I'm not talking about the
whole CAA thing—boy, that about limits my time in Hollywood"
During opening monologue
- "I haven't taken off my dress this many times during my first
audition—Steven [Spielberg], you remember how many times I took it
off? (Steven laughs waving his hands, "no") I'm just kidding
man, you know people know."
Referring to her many costume changes
- "Who knew it was this hard getting a virgin off your face?"
Wiping off the white makeup from her introduction
- "I think we've all had our hair done enough times to know that
you can't rush a queen."
In Queen Elizabeth intro
- "Last year they had a bear—they would have had him back but a lot
of people got really mad because he was wearing real fur."
About having animals on stage
- "[In There's Something About Mary] Ben Stiller did that scene and
got $3 million dollars—George Michael did it and got arrested."
During opening monologue
- "This year computers made bugs and ants completely life-like—they
couldn't do jack for the House Judiciary Committee, but what do I
know—no, really, I thought Hillary and Jackie was about a support
group for First Ladies—he he—you're missing Billy right about now
ain't ya?"
During opening monologue
- "This year the producers have come up with new and exciting ways to
let people know that they have been on too long—if you stay up on
stage more than thirty seconds, a giant asteroid comes hurling at you from
the balcony, so Armageddon [i.e., I'm a-gettin'] ready to hand out
some little bald boys."
concluding her opening monologue
- "You may notice that I always come from the left side of the theatre.
That's because of the vast right wing conspiracy."
- "Our next presenter has done Shakespeare. No really, she actually DID
Shakespeare. He he! I'm cracking myself up here, don't worry, y'all catch up."
- "Now to present the President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts
and Sciences—the man who actually did put Ned Devine to
sleep—just kidding. We kid because we love."
From Girl, Interrupted (1999)
From Deep End of the Ocean (1999)
- Candy Bliss: This is a nice imitation of a life you've got here.
From Ghosts of Mississippi (1996)
- Myrlie Evers: [Quoting Medgar Evers] I don't know if I'm going to heaven or to hell, but I'm going from Jackson.
- Myrlie Evers: [Quoting Medgar Evers] When you hate, the only one that suffers is you because
most of the people you hate don't know it and the rest don't care.
From Eddie (1996)
- Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Excuse me! Lawyers, agents, models, pseudo-models, rappers, people with bad
rugs — if you're not wearing a jersey that says New York Knicks, get up and get out right now.
- Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: I thought this was a professional basketball team. Obviously, I'm out of my
mind. I'm in here with rap artists and pitchmen. Do you remember that people pay to come and see you guys? People
spent $2,000 on season tickets up in the nosebleed sections because they think you guys are worthwhile. And what
about the little kids? Oh, forget about them, huh? The little kids who actually think you guys are heroes — stupid them!
From the 68th Annual Academy Awards Show (1996)
- "I want to say something to all the people who sent me ribbons to wear: You don't ask a
black woman to buy an expensive dress and then cover it with ribbons."
"I got a red ribbon for AIDS awareness. Done. I got a purple ribbon for breast cancer. Done.
I got a yellow ribbon for the troops in Bosnia. Done. I got a green ribbon to free the
Chinese dissidents. Done. I got a milky white ribbon for mad cow disease. Done. I got a
rainbow ribbon for gay rights. Done. Done. Done again."
— commenting on Jesse Jackson's rainbow ribbon campaign
- "I had something I wanted to say to Jesse right here, but he's not watching — so why bother."
- "There is somebody I want to give a ribbon to who I know is watching. Alec Baldwin, bravo
baby,"
— said of the actor acquitted a week earlier of assaulting a zealous celebrity photographer.
- "Quincy Jones wanted to change the title of the show to 'Showtime at the
Apollo 13.' I said no because that forces me to say Whitney Houston, we have a
problem."
- "Michael Jackson and a Saudi prince have formed a company they say will
promote traditional family values. Nothing says family values more to me than
a middle-aged man in full make-up grabbing himself and walking backwards."
- "It's been a great year for pigs . . . Babe, Showgirls . . ."
"I haven't seen that many poles mistreated since World War II."
— poking fun at Showgirls
- "Also it was a confusing year for me this year, 'cause I thought Dead Man Walking
was a documentary 'bout Keith Richards! I didn't know!"
- "Women had interesting roles this year. Elizabeth Shue played a hooker, Mira Sorvino
played a hooker, Sharon Stone played a hooker! How many times did Charlie Sheen get to vote?"
- "Now if I tell you the answer to that question, will you still be my friend?"
— After Bryan Adams performed "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?"
- ". . . the original boy in the hood."
— referring to Pat Buchanan
From Boys on the Side (1995)
From Star Trek: Generations (1994)
From The Lion King (1994)
From Sister Act (1992)
From The Player (1992)
From Soapdish (1991)
- Rose Schwartz: The guy was killed in an auto accident! I looked it up! He was driving in the Yukon, in a pink convertible, to visit his brother who's an ex-con named Frances, when a tractor trailer comes along and decapitates him. You know what that mean, it means he doesn't have a head. How am I suppose to write for a guy who doesn't have a head? He's got no lips, no vocal cords. What do you want me to do?
- Rose Schwartz: You know, I'd think you were acting, but you've never been this good.
- Rose Schwartz: I'm looking at crawdad butts, cover 'em up!
From Ghost (1990)
From Jumpin' Jack Flash (1986)
- Terry Doolittle: I'm a little black woman in a big silver box.
- Terry Doolittle: Do the world a favor! Get yourself an office! With a desk! And a lamp!
- Terry Doolittle: This is great. I'm down on the docks at 1:30 in the morning. I might as well pin a
hundred dollar bill to my butt and scream "Victim here! Victim here!"
[Trying to decipher the lyrics to the song Jumpin' Jack Flash]
- Terry Doolittle: Mick, Mick! Speak English!
- Terry Doolittle: I was raised by two lesbians?! Come on, Mick. Fuck a duck!
- Terry Doolittle: What is it with you people? Every time you see a black woman there has to be a
pimp or a John? What, do you think there's good business on the pier for hookers? Do you think I'm giving
blow jobs down there to goldfish?
- Terry Doolittle: You want a quarter? Kiss my ass! Find me in New York for this fucking quarter!
- Terry Doolittle: And that's what happens when you mix ex-lax and tea.
- Terry Doolittle: What the fuck you people running here? Wild Kingdom?
- Terry Doolittle: I got diseases. I got shit that will make your dick fall off!!
From The Color Purple (1985)
- Celie: The jail you plan for me is the one you're gonna rot in.
- Celie: He beat me when you ain't here. He beat me for not being you.
- Celie: Time for me to get away from you, and enter into Creation. And your dead body'd be just the welcome mat I need.
|
|