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A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM

Everybody Ought To Have A Maid

SENEX

Maids like me. I'm neat. I like maids. They're neat. Something no household should be without.

EVERYBODY OUT TO HAVE A MAID.

PSEUDOLUS

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID.

SENEX

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A WORKING GIRL,
EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A LURKING GIRL
TO PUTTER AROUND THE HOUSE.

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID.

PSEUDOLUS

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID.

SENEX

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MENIAL,
CONSISTENTLY CONGENIAL
AND QUIETER THAN A MOUSE.

OH! OH!
WOULDN'T SHE BE DELICIOUS,
TIDYING UP THE DISHES,
NEAT AS A PIN?
OH! OH!
WOULDN'T SHE BE DELIGHTFUL,
SWEEPING OUT, SLEEPING IN?
EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID!

PSEUDOLUS

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID!

SENEX

SOMEONE WHOM YOU HIRE WHEN YOU'RE SHORT OF HELP,
TO OFFER YOU THE SORT OF HELP
YOU NEVER GET FROM A SPOUSE,
FLUTTERING UP THE STAIRWAY,
SHUTTERING UP THE WINDOWS,
CLUTTERING UP THE BEDROOM,
BUTTERING UP THE MASTER,
PUTTERING ALL AROUND THE HOUSE!

OH! OH!
WOULDN'T SHE BE DELICIOUS,
TIDYING UP THE DISHES,
NEAT AS A PIN?
OH! OH!
WOULDN'T SHE BE DELIGHTFUL,
SWEEPING OUT,
SLEEPING IN?

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID!

PSEUDOLUS

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID.

SENEX

SOMEONE WHO, WHEN FETCHING YOU YOUR SLIPPER, WILL
BE WINSOME AS A WHIPPOORWILL
AND GRACEFUL AS A GROUSE.
SKITTERING DOWN THE HALLWAY,
FLITTERING THROUGH THE PARLOR,
TITTERING IN THE PANTRY,
LITTERING UP THE BEDROOM,

SENEX/PSEUDOLUS

PUTTERING ALL AROUND THE HOUSE!

HYSTERIUM

A maid?

PSEUDOLUS

A maid.

SENEX

A maid.

ALL

A maid!

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID.
EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A SERVING GIRL,
A LOYAL AND UNSWERVING GIRL,
WHO'S QUIETER THAN A MOUSE.

HYSTERIUM

OH! OH!
THINK OF HER AT THE DUSTBIN,
'SPECIALLY WHEN SHE'S JUST BEEN TRAIPSING ABOUT.
OH! OH!
WOULDN'T SHE BE DELIGHTFUL

LIVING IN ...

SENEX

GIVING OUT?

ALL

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID.
DAINTILY COLLECTING BITS OF PAPER 'N' STRINGS.
APPEALING IN HER APRON STRINGS,

SENEX

BEGUILING IN HER BLOUSE!

HYSTERIUM

PATTERING THROUGH THE ATTIC,

SENEX

CHATTERING IN THE CELLAR,

PSEUDOLUS

CLATTERING IN THE KITCHEN,

SENEX

FLATTERING IN THE BEDROOM,

ALL

PUTTERING ALL AROUND
THE HOUSE,
THE HOUSE,
THE HOUSE,
THE HOUSE.

HYSTERIUM

A maid?

PSEUDOLUS

A maid.

SENEX

A maid.

LYCUS

A maid!

ALL

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID.
SOMEONE WHO'S EFFICIENT AND RELIABLE,
OBEDIENT AND PLIABLE
AND QUIETER THAN A MOUSE.

OH! OH!
WOULDN'T SHE BE SO NIMBLE,
FIDDLING WITH HER THIMBLE,
MENDING A GOWN?
OH! OH!
WOULDN'T SHE BE DELIGHTFUL,

LYCUS

CLEANING UP ...

SENEX

LEANING DOWN!

ALL

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A MAID.
SOMEONE WHO'LL BE BUSY AS A BUMBLEBEE
AND EVEN IF YOU GRUMBLE, BE
AS GRACEFUL AS A GROUSE!

PSEUDOLUS

WRIGGLING IN THE ANTEROOM,

HYSTERIUM

JIGGLING IN THE LIVING ROOM,

LYCUS

GIGGLING IN THE DINING ROOM,

SENEX

WIGGLING IN THE OTHER ROOMS,

ALL

PUTTERING ALL AROUND
THE HOUSE,
THE HOUSE,
THE HOUSE,
THE HOUSE!