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A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM
Comedy Tonight
PROLOGUS
Playgoers, I bid you welcome. The Theatre is a temple, and we are here to worship the gods of comedy and tragedy. Tonight, I am pleased to announce a comedy. We shall employ every device we know in our desire to divert you.
SOMETHING FAMILIAR,
SOMETHING PECULIAR,
SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE --
A COMEDY TONIGHT!
SOMETHING APPEALING,
SOMETHING APPALLING,
SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE --
A COMEDY TONIGHT!
NOTHING WITH KINGS,
NOTHING WITH CROWNS,
BRING ON THE LOVERS,
LIARS AND CLOWNS!
OLD SITUATIONS,
NEW COMPLICATIONS,
NOTHING PORTENTOUS OR POLITE:
TRAGEDY TOMORROW,
COMEDY TONIGHT!
Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight!
SOMETHING EXPENSIVE,
SOMETHING OFFENSIVE,
SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE --
A COMEDY TONIGHT!
PASSIONS AND POTIONS,
CONSTANT COMMOTIONS,
SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE --
A COMEDY TONIGHT!
NOTHING WITH KINGS,
NOTHING WITH CROWNS,
BRING ON THE LOVERS,
LIARS AND CLOWNS!
OLD SITUATIONS,
NEW COMPLICATIONS,
NOTHING PORTENTOUS OR POLITE:
TRAGEDY TOMORROW --
PROLOGUS/PROTEANS
COMEDY TONIGHT!
PROTEANS
SOMETHING CONVULSIVE,
SOMETHING REPULSIVE,
PROLOGUS
SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE --
A COMEDY TONIGHT!
SOMETHING ESTHETIC,
PROTEANS
SOMETHING BALLETIC,
PROLOGUS
SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE --
PROTEANS
A COMEDY TONIGHT!
PROLOGUS
NOTHING WITH GODS,
NOTHING WITH FATE.
PROTEANS
WEIGHTY AFFAIRS WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT.
PROLOGUS
NOTHING THAT'S FORMAL,
PROTEANS
NOTHINGS THAT'S NORMAL,
PROLOGUS
NO RECITATIONS TO RECITE!
ALL
OPEN UP THE CURTAIN --
COMEDY TONIGHT!
PROLOGUS
It all takes place on a street in Rome, around about these three houses.
(Indicates ERRONIUS's house)
First, the house of Erronius, a befuddled old man abroad now in search of his children, stolen in infancy by pirates.
(PROTEANS enter as pirates with ladder. After PROTEANS, business, PROLOGUS indicates LYCUS's house)
Second, the house of Lycus, a buyer and seller of the flesh of beautiful women. That's for those of you who have absolutely no interest in pirates.
(PROTEANS enter with magic box and produce a beautiful woman -- musical interlude with magic box)
And finally, the house of Senex, who lives here with his wife and son. Also in this house lives Pseudolus, slave to the son. Pseudolus is probably my favorite character in the piece. A role of enormous variety and nuance, and played by an actor of such... well, let me put it this way... I play the part.
ANYTHING YOU ASK FOR --
COMEDY TONIGHT!
And now, the entire company!
ALL
SOMETHING FAMILIAR,
SOMETHING PECULIAR,
SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY --
COMEDY TONIGHT!
SOMETHING THAT'S GAUDY,
SOMETHING THAT'S BAWDY,
PROLOGUS
SOMETHING FOR EVERYBAWDY --
ALL
COMEDY TONIGHT!
MILES
NOTHING THAT'S GRIM,
DOMINA
NOTHING THAT'S GREEK!
PROLOGUS
SHE PLAYS MEDEA LATER THIS WEEK.
ALL
STUNNING SURPRISES,
CUNNING DISGUISES,
HUNDREDS OF ACTORS OUT OF SIGHT!
HERO
FANTALOONS AND TUNICS!
SENEX
COURTESANS AND EUNUCHS!
PHILIA
FUNERALS AND CHASES!
DOMINA
BARITONES AND BASSES!
HYSTERIUM
PANDERERS!
MILES
PHILANDERERS!
PROTEAN(No.1)
CUPIDITY!
PHILIA
TIMIDITY!
GEMINAE/HYSTERIUM
FAKES!
VIBRATA/PANACEA/PHILIA/MILES
RHYMES!
PROTEAN(No. 3)/TINTINABULA/DOMINA
MIMES!
ALL
TUMBLERS!
GRUMBLERS!
FUMBLERS!
BUMBLERS!
NO ROYAL CURSE,
NO TROJAN HORSE,
AND A HAPPY ENDING, OF COURSE!
GOODNESS AND BADNESS,
MAN IN HIS MADNESS,
THIS TIME IT ALL TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT!
TRAGEDY TOMORROW!
PROLOGUS
COMEDY!
LYCUS
COMEDY?
ALL
COMEDY TONIGHT!
PROLOGUS
ONE -- TWO -- THREE!