Whoopi: I'm good.

Rosie: You look great! What do ya have there?

Whoopi: Well, I noticed you were giving tips on perfume wear, and I wanted to update you on, well, how you should probably do it.

Rosie: Okay. You don't think my forty squirts are . . .

Whoopi: I think forty squirts are a little too much.

Rosie: Oh, you do? But, of course, you've never noticed it was a problem before! [Rosie is teasing]

Whoopi: Oh, no! Of course not! [sarcastically; while nodding her head "yes"]

Rosie: Oh, you did notice!

Whoopi: Well, just a little.

Rosie: Well . . .

Whoopi: But my Mom taught me how to do this. You take your atomizer and you squirt, squirt. And then you walk into it like this . . . [demonstrates]

Rosie: Oh! So I walk into the mist?

Whoopi: Yeah, walk into it. Because you just want it to be an essence of you, ya know, as opposed to the . . . label of you.

Rosie: Oh, I see. See, I thought you should do the forty. I go ten in front, ten in back, and then anywhere else I think I need it.

Whoopi: I tell ya what. Get about 39 friends, and then do the forty and walk into the mist.

Rosie: So, now, do you always use the same scent?

Whoopi: I used to. Now I can't wear scents because it clogs my throat and I can't breathe.

Rosie: Now is this just your own, or does someone else, who say, does the forty, bother you too?

Whoopi: Well, no Ro! [fakes a cough] Actually, all scents kind of get me now, and I think it's aging.

Rosie: It's funny because I've worn the CK1 for years now and I changed about two months ago. And every night I give the baby one of my shirts with some perfume on it to sleep with, and he goes, "Mama - no you!" because it wasn't the same thing.

Whoopi: Because it wasn't your scent.

Rosie: [changing subjects] Let me say, you were great on the Oscars!

Whoopi: Thank you!

Rosie: And what a gig is that? It's like, I'm at home and I'm going "how are you doing that." First of all, just to stand up for that many hours!

Whoopi: Yeah, standing up for that many hours. But I noticed you have this picture there. [Rosie holds up the picture of Whoopi in the opening, with the Moulin Rouge! outfit on.] That was the smallest outfit that I was . . .

Rosie: But Honey, you look good! You look good!

Whoopi: Thank you. But that was the smallest little outfit I've ever been squeezed into. And then they hoisted me eighty feet up! And it was great! Despite the several people who didn't have a good time and then wrote about it. I had fun!

Rosie: It's the hardest gig in the world and you are great at it. I'll tell ya that! I don't think I could do that.

Whoopi: You could.

Rosie: I don't think I could. But four hours and twenty minutes!!

Whoopi: Yeah, but they broke it up for me, so I wasn't there for the whole time. There were some other people who were also there trying to take care of business. You should do it just once because it's great!

Rosie: Are ya nervous before you go on? The sea of famous faces . . . I would feel like the nerdy little kid from high school.

Whoopi: But, ya know what? We're all that nerdy little kid form high school. Nicole Kidman didn't start out looking like that. None of those girls started out looking like that.

Rosie: That's true. Hey! Is it true that you lost a million dollar diamond?

Whoopi: Oh, Honey! If it had only been a million dollars, I might have been all right!

Rosie: What did you do?

Whoopi: Well . . . [kind of sheepishly] Okay, I have to explain this. First of all, Ron Winston designed the first necklace that I wore, which was this giant black diamond surrounded by pink sapphires. Then he sent over, like, this nine thousand carat yellow diamond which was on a little silver chain. And, Honey . . . [she pauses, rubbing her temples]

Rosie: What's the value? What's the value?

Whoopi: More than I could afford!

Rosie: Okay, so like five million? [Whoopi just looks at her and points her thumb upwards to indicate more.]

Whoopi: It was so much! It's like when you realize it's gone, you start crying! And you start thinking, "What do I have that I could give them immediately?"

Rosie: And are the security guys there?

Whoopi: The security guy was there and he was wonderful. But it all started because someone was talking about this forty carat diamond ring I was wearing, and I said, "If you think the ring is amazing, checkout the . . ." [She puts her hand to her neck to indicate where the necklace should have been and just freezes dead. Draws in a huge gasp.]

Rosie: Oh, my God!

Whoopi: And it was gone! We dropped to the floor. I started praying, "Please God! Please! Oh, my God, please." [She pauses for just second to draw it out] And it was down in my chest! [audience starts screaming and laughing. A couple of men call out shrill whistles.]

Rosie: It was? Oh, thank God!

Whoopi: I took that thing off and said, "Here, take it back!" And I went back to the black diamond, which I should have never taken off to begin with!

Rosie: Ya know, I once presented, years ago, and I had the big jewels on too. And it prevented me from having a good time, because I just kept thinking, "Oh, my God, if something happens to these earrings." And it's all I could think about the whole time.

Whoopi: Well, here's the thing. The Winstons and all the people who lend you jewelry, know that mishaps can happen. They're prepared and insured. Of course, they want to have their jewelry back, but they also realize that you're being jostled and pushed, and everything. So the next time you go back, you should just get some fabulous jewels you wanna wear and be comfortable. They want you to be comfortable because that's what makes you look best in their jewelry. I love Winston because I would have never chosen a piece that size, or that looked like that, but when I tried it on I felt quite comfortable!

Rosie: Oh, yeah? Did you have a good time?

Whoopi: Oh, yeah! I walked out with my chest all puffed out.

Rosie: Yeah! Here I am with my black diamond!

Whoopi: Oh, yeah!

Rosie: [changing subject again] Is it true you're leaving Hollywood Squares? Yes, no? Are ya done?

Whoopi: I'm done. [audience boos]

Rosie: Well, all right. It's been a long time.

Whoopi: It's been four years. And . . . ya know, they didn't want to play anymore, and I realized I didn't want to play anymore, and so . . . it's been four years and it was good. Iit was great money. I'll miss that! [jokingly]

Rosie: Yeah?

Whoopi: Listen, I worked 36 days a year. This is a terrible thing! [sarcastically] I only worked 36 days a year, and they paid me stupid money!

Rosie: Yeah and that's the greatest job to get.

Whoopi: Oh, yeah! And not everyone gets one in their lifetime. I've had one, I had fun, and now I'm outta there.

Rosie: That's the way to go, Honey! [Rosie leans in close to whisper to her] Now let's see how many guests they get! [Whoopi cackles out loud and the audience starts screaming and cheering. Rosie throws it to a commercial.]

Rosie: Back with Whoopi Goldberg and Thoroughly Modern Millie is opening on Broadway, and you're the producer!

Whoopi: Yes, I'm one of the producers. Isn't that great?

Rosie: Now how did this come about?

Whoopi: It's been coming for about seven or eight years. I've always loved this movie, and I've always loved Beatrice Lily.

Rosie: Oh, so have I!

Whoopi: And I thought if I could play that part, I would have a really good time. So I said, "let's see if we can make a play." And they said, "Oh, what a good idea," and we though about that too, "Let's see what we can do." So several of us converged and the project came together. But then they said, "unfortunately, Whoopi, you can't be Mrs. Meers because you're in the "Squares." [Whoopi laughs ironically at this now.] No More!

Rosie: Exactly.

Whoopi: So, now, it's gone through all these phases to finally get it here. And it's kid-friendly, which is important to me. And it's got this marvelous young woman called Sutton Foster.

Rosie: Ya know, I know her! Her brother was in Grease! with me. Boy, is she a talented young woman. Beautiful girl.

Whoopi: Oh, yeah! It's a good, old fashioned Broadway story. And she is the epitome of what Broadway was to people and can be again. I'm very excited. I'm very glad because there are certain things you can do, and you think, "Oh, I'm not really so comfortable with that." But this [holds up the Playbill] . . . this Playbill exists, at least partially, because of me.

Rosie: Exactly! And that's a great feeling.

Whoopi: And no matter what else happens, I can put this in my scrap book.

Rosie: Without a doubt. It's a big, big accomplishment. And I know people who saw it in previews and loved it!

Whoopi: Yeah! And again, I wanna tell you, take your kids. Nobody's naked in this. some people could be and I wouldn't mind — but they're, ya know, they're not!

Rosie: Ya know, I remember that movie like . . . [she starts singing a piece from it, and Whoopi joins her.]

Whoopi/Rosie: [singing] "Everything today is thoroughly modern, so check your personality."

Rosie: I love it!

Whoopi: See, we could have done this!

Rosie: Yeah, we'll do another revival and take it on the road.

Whoopi: We'll do the road tour.

Rosie: [one last subject change] Now we have a big favor of you. Have you see this?

Whoopi: Yes, but ya know what? Before we do that, can I just say something?

Rosie: What?

Whoopi: Thank you! You and I have gone together through the years and . . . we've done Kid's Choice together, you helped me introduce the world to "Leap Frog," and then you've taken them to the next level. All the things you're doing with families who are trying to get kids, families that are trying to keep their kids . . . you just keep trying to flash that light on all of the good things that can be done. This has been a great ride, and I just wanna say thank you.

Rosie: Honey, thank you so much! [audience yells in agreement and cheers]

Whoopi: All right! You can go on now. [laughing]

Rosie: All right! Look what we have here. You are gonna give this outfit, right? Am I correct? [Rosie holds up the picture of the Moulin Rouge! outfit]

Whoopi: [laughing] No, not that one, because I'm gonna wear it tonight!

Rosie: Oh, not that one?

Whoopi: No, not that one.

Rosie: Well then, I don't know which one.

Whoopi: We'll just see it when we get over there.

Rosie: All right then, come on. [they get up and walk over to the stage area. The curtain lifts and there is Whoopi's life-size wax figure from Madam Tussauds wearing the last gown from the Oscars, with the logos from the New York fire, police, rescue, and K-9 units on the back.] Oh, what do we have here? [then commenting on the statue] Oh, my lord! That's a little scary. I've never been there.

Whoopi: Yeah, it's a little bizarre. I know. But what we're doing is . . . [Whoopi tries to turn the statue around to show the back.] Ya know, you have to move her very gently because she'll fall over.

Rosie: All right, well, you know how to move yourself.

Whoopi: Yes I do! Now . . . [finally gets the statue around so the back is toward the audience. They start cheering]

Rosie: Oh, look at that!

Whoopi: This is for you to auction off for your kids charity.

Rosie: Oh, wow! And that is absolutely beautiful. It really is.

Whoopi: Ann Roth made it for me for the Oscars, and we wanted to make sure that we, ya know, spoke on it. [indicating the lettering] And if anybody can put this to greater use than I, it's you!

Rosie: Well Honey, I'll do it. And I thank you so much for it! [moves to hug her] I love ya!

Whoopi: I love you too!

Rosie: Thank you so much for doing this! Whoopi Goldberg, everybody! [once again, audience goes insane! Rosie throws it to commercial and the interview is done.]