Kent Dorfman: Excuse me, sir, is this the Delta House?
Bluto: Sure! Come on in.

Bluto: Grab a brew. Don't cost nothin'.

Kent Dorfman: You guys playing cards?

Otter: Let me give you a hint. She's got a couple of major-league yabbos.
Boon: Norma!
Otter: No. But you're getting warmer. Here's another [falsetto]: "Oh God, Oh God, OH GOD!"
Boon: Marlene! You're gonna pork Marlene Desmond!
Otter: Pork?
Boon: You're gonna hump her brains out, aren't you?
Otter: Boon, I anticipate a deeply religious experience.

Otter: Hi, Eric Stratton, Rush chairman, damn glad to meet you.

Katy: I think I'm in love with a retard.
Boon: Is he bigger than me?

Dean Vernon Wormer: Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?
Greg Marmalard: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.
Greg Marmalard: You're talking about Delta, sir.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Of course I'm talking about Delta, you TWERP!

Dean Vernon Wormer: The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me.

Robert Hoover: Uhhh. Larry Kroger? All in favor?
Deltas: Who cares? Yeah! We need the dues.
Robert Hoover: Good. Larry Kroger is now pledged to Delta Tau Chi.

Kent Dorfman: Uh, what's my Delta Tau Chi name?
Bluto: Dorfman, I've given this a lot of thought. From now on, your name is Flounder.
Kent Dorfman: [Pause] Flounder?

Doug Neidermeyer: YOU'RE A GODDAMN DISGRACE!
Boon: Vicious mother, isn't he?
Otter: Yeah. He can't do that to our pledges!
Boon: Only we can do that to our pledges.

Boon: Now. I want you to fix Pinto up, but it's gotta be a very special girl.
Pinto: Listen you don't have ...
Boon: Now, she should be decent looking, but we're willing to trade looks for a certain kind of morally casual attitude.
Katy: Oh! You mean, you want someone he can screw on the first date?
Boon: Well put.

Bluto: See if you can guess what I am now? [puts a scoop of mashed potatoes in his mouth, chews it, smashes his cheeks with his fists, spitting it all out] I'm a ZIT! Get it?

Robert Hoover: We're in trouble. I just checked with the guys at the Jewish house and they said that every one of our answers on the Psych test was wrong.
Boon: Every one? [looks at Bluto and D-Day]
Boon: Those assholes must have stolen the wrong fucking exam!

All: Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!

Otter: Flounder, I am appointing you pledge representative to the social committee.
Flounder: Gee Otter, thanks. What do I have to do?
Otter: It means you have to drive us to the Food King.

Mrs Wormer: Vegetables are sensuous. People are sensual.

Otter: Mrs. Wormer, I'm so glad you could come.
Marion Wormer: Cut the crap. Give me a drink.

[Clorette has just passed out]
Larry's evil conscience: Fuck her. Fuck her brains out. Suck her tits, squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.
Larry's good conscience: For shame! Lawrence, I'm surprised at you!
Larry's evil conscience: Aw, don't listen to that jack-off. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.
Larry's good conscience: If you lay one finger on that poor sweet helpless girl, you'll despise yourself forever. ...I'm proud of you, Lawrence.
Larry's evil conscience: You homo.

Dean Wormer: I think we've heard enough, Mr Chairman.
Hoover: I was told I'd have a chance to spe...?
Greg Marmalard: That's enough. The court will now render a decision.
Hoover: Look, you said I could spe...!
Doug Neidermeyer: HE SAID THAT'S IT! Are you DEAF?
Dean Wormer: Let's finish this damn thing.
Bluto: [Coughing into his hand] BLOWJOB!
Delta Brothers: [Imitating Bluto] Blowjob! Blowjob!
Hoover: I don't think it's fair!
Dean Wormer: I'll tell you what's fair and what's not!
Bluto: [Coughing into his hand] EAT ME!
Delta Brothers: [Imitating Bluto] Eat me! Eat me!
Hoover: (To Boon) Will you tell those assholes to shutup?
Boon: Hey, SHUTUP YOU ASSHOLES!

Otter: Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules or took a few liberties with our female party guests -- we did. But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few sick, perverted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg ... isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do what you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America! Gentlemen!

Bluto: They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!

Meaner dude: If I was in your shoes, I'd be...
Boon: Leaving! What a good idea.

Bluto: My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder. He's pre-med.

Dean Wormer: Mr. Kroger: two C's, two D's and an F. That's a 1.2 grade average. Congratulations, Kroger. You're at the top of the Delta pledge class. Mr. Dorfman?
Flounder: Hello!
Dean Wormer: Zero point two... Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr. Hoover, president of Delta house? One point six; four C's and an F. A fine example you set! Daniel Simpson Day... HAS no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Blu [Bluto has a pencil hanging from each nostril] MR. BLUTARSKY... ZERO POINT ZERO.

Babs: Greg, honey? Is it supposed to be this soft?

Bluto: Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.

D-Day: War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one.
Bluto: What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.
Bluto: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the going gets tough . . . the tough get going. Who's with me? Let's Go! Come on! AAAAEEEEEGGGHHHH!! [Bluto runs out of the room alone; then returns] What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...
Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons. But that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
Bluto: We're just the guys to do it.
D-Day: Let's do it.
Bluto: LET'S DO IT!

Flounder: May I have ten thousand marbles, please?

Chip: Remain calm. All is well!

D-Day: Ramming speed!

Copyright © 2007 Patrick Spreng.